


Beauty With A Broken Soul

by EternallyEC



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: F/F, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jori - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:20:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24536065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternallyEC/pseuds/EternallyEC
Summary: Some days, Jade West is fine.Some days, Jade West is anything but fine.But when her self-destructive coping mechanisms and bad decisions collide, can she cope with the fallout with the help of the very girl she's spent so much time pushing away?
Relationships: Tori Vega/Jade West
Comments: 3
Kudos: 61





	Beauty With A Broken Soul

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Drug use and rape are heavily implied/referenced in this fic. Please, please tread carefully and take care of yourself first. 
> 
> Once again, I don't really have a timeline in mind for this fic. Please let me know what you think and, once again, I have to thank @wasabiduckies for helping this story to find its' groove. 
> 
> I plan on trying to have the second part out by Sunday at the latest, but hopefully, it will be sooner.

Some days, Jade West is fine. 

She goes to school, spends time with her friends and attends classes and then goes home, locking her bedroom door behind her with the chain she’d installed herself and throws herself into her homework and usually writing something. 

Sometimes it’s a play, sometimes it’s a screenplay, and sometimes even she doesn’t know what it is and she doesn’t really care. Just the act of creating is enough for her to take her mind off everything, to shut out all of the negative and let her focus on the one positive she has left. 

And when she finally gets too exhausted to do anything else, she turns her bedside lamp on and crawls under the covers, staring at her doorknob to make sure it doesn’t move until her eyes finally drift closed and she falls asleep. 

Some days, Jade West is anything but fine. 

Those days usually begin just a few hours after she’s fallen asleep. She wakes in a cold sweat and a scream trapped in her throat, still feeling the hands on her from the nightmare that’s really a memory. It takes her hours to breathe normally again and then she gets up, showering and going downstairs to brew coffee and have some kind of bland food that her queasy stomach doesn’t protest at before getting dressed and putting on her war paint. 

On those days, Jade avoids her friends and even her boyfriend, though Beck holds the title in name only these days. It’s been weeks since she’s even let him kiss her and she knows that their expiration date is coming soon and she’s both ready but not. She’s tired of the pity she sees in his eyes when he looks at her and wonders when it will turn to resentment for her inability to receive or give physical affection. 

But at the same time, guilt gnaws at her insides because he’s _Beck_. He’s all she’s known since the loser she’d dated before him, the one who had cheated on her and rubbed it on her face. Beck had worked tirelessly to show her that he was worth the chance and, once he had won that chance, he’d used it to show her that _she_ was worth it. Even during her most jealous episodes, he’d stuck by her and consoled her afterward. She still loved him and he’d done _nothing_ wrong for her to fall out of love with him, but it had still happened.

She was lucky to have Beck, she knew that. So what was wrong with her that she was so eager to give him up?

Her schoolwork suffered on those days as well. She couldn’t focus in class and her work was always subpar because of it. Her hands would twitch nervously as she watched the clock tick by, waiting impatiently for school to let out so that she could go home. 

On those days, she would go home and stay only long enough to drop her books off and grab some cash before going somewhere she knows she doesn’t belong. The drugs are overpriced for their quality and she knows it, but she pays anyway. It’s worth it and if she sometimes doesn’t even know what she’s taking, well, she quit caring about herself a long time ago. 

On those nights, she locks herself in her bedroom again and wedges her dresser in front of the door before sitting on her bed. Her preferred drug is weed, but she takes pills too. Whatever her score, she partakes and waits until the numbness sets in, riding the waves until she falls asleep.

The next day is almost always a good day again and so she learns to self-medicate her pain, her rage, her bitterness. 

It’s a rollercoaster, highs and lows and nothing in-between, but it’s all that Jade’s got.

And then, Rex invites them all to a party. 

Jade doesn’t want to go, having finally broken up with Beck the day before. She’s not nearly as upset as she knows she should be, but she is relieved. Beck will keep her secret, she knows it, and she knows it’s not fair to ask him to do that _and_ to wait for her, for something she’s not sure will ever come again. 

Andre insists that she goes, he and Cat teaming up to badger her until she finally agrees just to shut them up. It’s a good day and she can only hope that the next will be too. 

That hope is shattered at 3 AM the next morning when she wakes up, pushing the covers off of her quickly so that she can make sure _he_ isn’t there. She swears she can feel his fingers trailing up her legs, feel his eyes boring into her hers and not even the empty space on her bed is enough to shake the flashback. 

School is horrible and Jade briefly ponders the idea of skipping the party altogether. But then Andre mentions party favors to a girl he’s trying to convince to be his date and suddenly, Jade thinks it might be worth attending after all. 

So once school lets out, she returns home and gets dressed. Her outfit is revealing and the sight of so much bared skin is almost enough to bring _him_ back, but the light of day is enough to lend her the strength to shove him back into the darkest recesses of her mind where he usually lurks. 

By the time Andre picks her up, the hot girl in the passenger seat, she’s all too happy to climb into the back of his car. When they arrive, the loud music almost makes Jade smile. The way it makes her body vibrate is proof enough that she’s _here_ , this isn’t a dream and that she’s still breathing. It’s also loud enough to drown all of her thoughts and she does smile as she follows her friend into the house, not even minding when he and his date quickly leave her behind.

There’s a certain kind of anonymity in getting lost in the crush of people that makes her feel safe in some strange way, and she doesn’t hesitate to grab a drink. She sips it slowly, finding a seat on the couch she scares the couple making out on it away from with a glare and scanning the room carefully. 

Soon enough, she finds what she’s looking for: a group of three boys huddled together in the corner of the room, whispering quietly until one passes over a wad of bills and something is slipped into his hand in return. 

Soon a fourth joins and then she’s walking over, draining her drink and tossing the cup to the side, giving them a smirk as she joins them. She’s suddenly glad that Beck couldn’t come along; she knows that she’d never get away with this if he were here. 

“Hey boys,” she greets them, raising a pierced eyebrow suggestively. It’s not a role she enjoys playing, not since _he’d_ happened, but she learned long ago that it’s the most effective way to get what she wants.

And Jade West always gets what she wants.

“Well, hello there,” the boy who’d received the cash drawls, giving her a disgustingly obvious once-over before meeting her gaze. “What can I do for you, beautiful?”

Inwardly rolling her eyes, she gives him a knowing smirk. “Party favors. You have any?” 

His grin only widens. “Maybe. Come with us and we’ll see what we can do for you.”

Without another word, he and the other guys walk away and Jade follows up the stairs without a second thought. Her mind is only focusing on the relief she’s sure to have in a few minutes, her skin humming in anticipation of the high she’s grown too addicted to without realizing. 

~ 

Tori’s eyes follow Jade as she disappears up the stairs with a group of boys, wondering what was up with _that_. Jade had been acting strangely lately, hardly even having a barb to throw her way when they were together. It was enough to make Tori worry, but she didn’t know what to do about it. 

If it had been a friend, she would have invited them over to have hot cocoa and talk, but it was _Jade_. She’s never been sure what she and Jade are, the girl in question making sure of that, but she does know that hot cocoa and talking would never work with her. So she’s stayed quiet, hoping with every unexpected knock on her door that it’ll be Jade standing on the other side, there to ask for her help the way she’d done when she’d broken up with Beck the year before. 

But it had never happened and, try as she might to enjoy the party, Tori can’t help but feel restless and uneasy as her gaze constantly returns to the stairs in a fruitless attempt to find Jade. 

Something’s nagging her about Jade’s disappearance and it has more to it than it being extremely uncharacteristic of her to disappear with a group of guys. And as the minutes slowly pass, Tori groans as she realizes what she should have much earlier. 

Jade had broken up with Beck the day before, though you wouldn’t know it to look at her. Tori frowned, setting down the drink she’d barely touched as she turned her attention back to the stairs once more. The unease she’s been feeling slowly turns to dread as she checks her watch and realizes it’s been almost an hour since she disappeared with them. 

And just like that, Tori finds that she can’t wait anymore. Poking Andre in the side until he quits kissing his date and turns to look at her, she leans in and yells, “Have you seen Jade?” 

He shakes his head, giving her a puzzled look as she frowns. “I’m going upstairs to look for her,” she tells him, waiting until he nods before she stands and makes her way to the stairs. 

Her pace quickens as soon as her foot meets the first step, Tori finding that her anxiety was no longer able to be controlled as she finally gave in to her fears. Images of the worst things her dad had ever told her about are flashing in her head and she’s cursing herself for waiting so long as she reaches the landing. 

She’s tried at least six doors before she finally spots the dark-haired girl in question, her stomach turning instantly at the scene she’s found. 

Jade’s shirt is lying discarded on the floor, leaving the older girl in nothing but a bra as she feebly fights against the hands that are working on unbuttoning her pants. The other two are helping to keep her legs pinned against the bed as she thrashes wildly against them. 

And then Jade’s eyes met hers and widened, turning pleading in a way that’s unfamiliar enough to shake Tori from her shocked trance. She knows that it’s three-to-one, maybe two if Jade’s able to help, but Tori knows that she doesn’t have time to go for help. So instead, she lets her anger fuel her as she storms into the room and yanks the first guy away from her.

“Hey!” she yells, shoving him back hard enough for him to end up sprawled on the floor. The other two immediately release Jade and back away slightly and Tori immediately takes up a defensive position in front of Jade. Her focus is shaken slightly as she feels Jade wrap her arms tightly around her waist, pressing her face into her back but her determination quickly grows stronger when she feels firsthand how much Jade is trembling against her. 

The three men have formed a circle around them now, anger written all over their faces, but Tori’s proud of herself when she keeps her voice from shaking. “My dad’s a cop,” she tells them firmly, watching as they exchange glances. “You can walk away from this if you leave right now.” 

They still seem unconvinced, so she pulls out her Pearphone and lets her finger hover the speed dial for her dad, keeping an eye on the three of them as they seem to come to some kind of an agreement. 

“Tell your friend that we’re done dealing to her,” the one she’d pulled off of Jade says menacingly, trying to peer around her to glare at Jade, whose grip on her immediately tightens. Tori turns slightly to keep her blocked from his view, grateful that Jade just goes with it because she’s feeling angry enough to do something really stupid if anything more happens to the girl she’s protecting.

Luckily for him, he seems to give up. “If we see her on our turf again, we’ll finish what we started,” he threatens with a glare before turning around and, to Tori’s immense relief, walking out of the room with the other two behind him. 

She waits for what feels like an eternity, fully aware of Jade’s presence behind her before she finally lets herself drop her guard, setting the phone on the bed within easy reach before gently loosening Jade’s hands from her stomach. Holding onto them tightly, refusing to let their connection be interrupted for even a second when Jade so clearly needs it, she sits down on the bed and pulls the trembling girl into her arms. 

Jade’s arms automatically lock around her neck and she’s clinging to her so tightly Tori’s finding it a little hard to breathe, but she just pulls her closer and wraps her arms around her. Slowly rubbing soothing circles onto her back, she whispers, “It’s okay, Jade, it’s okay.” She swallows, holding her even tighter when Jade’s shaking intensifies. “I’ve got you.”

“Tori,” Jade whimpers, the sound of her name coming from the usually so confident girl in such a way breaking Tori’s heart.

“We should get out of here,” she says softly, eyeing the open door with trepidation. “Let’s get up, okay? Can you do that for me?” 

Jade shakes her head, tightening her grip around Tori’s neck as she moves closer, seemingly trying to be as close to her as possible. 

Tori swallows and nods, gently stroking her hair and steadfastly ignoring the pressure on her throat as she tries her best to hold her together. “Okay. We’ll stay here as long as you need,” she promises, feeling Jade’s grip on her throat loosen at the words. 

They sit on the bed together for over an hour, the time on Tori’s Pearphone the only indication of just how much time has passed. When Jade slowly began to loosen her grip on her, Tori lets her go, gently taking her hand as she moves back on the bed. “Do you want to go back to my place?” she asks gently, meeting her gaze and finding her heart breaking even more at the devastation she finds there. 

A nod is her only answer, but it’s good enough. Standing up, she puts her phone in her pocket and, after carefully pulling Jade's shirt back over her head, she slowly leads Jade through the party, never releasing her hand. None of their friend group notice them, thanks in large part to Tori specifically avoiding them, and they make it to the car unseen. She reminds herself to text Andre when she gets home, grateful that she hadn’t had that drink and that she’d gotten her license the month before. 

Jade practically falls into the front seat, barely able to shift into a position where Tori can buckle her seatbelt for her but managing it somehow. As she’s straightening after doing just that, she freezes as her eyes meet blue-green, gasping softly at the anguish she sees in their depths. 

But she’s certain that neither of them are ready for the conversation that will have to take place and it’s definitely not the place for it, so she just gives her hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it. Shutting the door, she goes around and climbs into the driver’s seat of Trina’s car before starting the long, quiet drive home. 

Jade still doesn’t say a word as Tori leads her through the house and into her bedroom, quietly accepting the pajamas she was offered before disappearing into the bathroom to change. She returns with her face scrubbed clean of her usual make-up and haunted eyes that seem a million miles away, and Tori knows better than to push when she crawls into the bed. 

But there is one matter Tori knows she has to take care of before Jade goes to sleep and she gently sits on the side of the bed Jade is facing away from, wanting her to be free to choose whether to look at her or not. “Jade?” she asks softly, fingers hovering over her hair as she considers whether her touch would be welcome. 

“Yeah, Vega?” Jade replies, her voice small and tired and just _broken_ in a way that makes Tori’s chest ache. She rolls over to face her, face softening at the sight of Tori’s hand hovering nervously in the air above her and she reaches out to take it, interlacing their fingers in the space between them and bringing their joined hands down to the bedspread. 

“Do you want me to sleep downstairs?” she asks softly, tightening her grip on Jade’s hand when panic fills her eyes. 

“Stay with me,” she pleads quietly, gently tugging on Tori’s hand. She goes willingly, 

Jade shook her head immediately, her eyes snapping open to meet Tori’s with a hint of panic. “Stay with me,” she pleaded quietly, and Tori wasted no time in complying, slipping underneath the covers and listening to Jade’s breathing until it slowly evens out, their hands still clasped tightly together between them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Story title is from "Playing Dead" by And One.  
> Chapter title is from "All Too Well" by Taylor Swift. 
> 
> Both fit the vibe of this story very well despite being very different songs, so I decided to title chapters for possibly the first time in all my years of writing


End file.
